i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
