This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You smell like stripper and shame
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
