And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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