is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So many bounce houses so little time
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
