Having a random hookup so left but love u
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
