"it" just moved
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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