in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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