I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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