the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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