i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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