Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
