your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
