when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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