Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
