he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
