Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
