I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
