wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
