Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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