New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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