After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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