ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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