I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
