Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
