I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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