i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
