i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
