I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
