I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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