Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
