I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
