I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
