i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
