Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
