Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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