he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
