I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
