sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
