Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
