she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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