I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
