i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
