I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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