i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
