finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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