I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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