I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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