Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
