If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
