thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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