When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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