get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
