do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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