i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.