You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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