im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.