$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
