If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
