You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
