Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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