We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
