I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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