What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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