Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
