So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
