Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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