did you get engaged???
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
