"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
time to smoke my breakfast
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
