No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
